Intimacy

We'll today is starting off to be one of those days of soul searching.I keep trying to justify my reasons of not wanting to be close with other people.I don't mind fucking but opening up about feelings and shit scares me.I don't date really and the last time I was in a real relationship I was about 12.That one ended badly because she thought I didn't like her when in reality I lost her number on purpose because we were getting to close,we'll as close as 12 years old's can get.I've never had my heart broken and maybe that's the problem.I'm so afraid of being hurt and losing my identity to someone else that I'm becoming cold hearted.I couldn't cry at my aunt's funeral even though we were real close.Because the thought of being open in front of people scares me.The one person I've really had a chance to be honest with I blew it because I didn't trust him.(chicks and dudes rock!)Now that we've met up again thanks to myspace(you gotta love it)I might just be able to say how I feel.That of course depends on if he can be honest and tells me how he feels also.I'm not afraid of making the first move when it comes to sex but admitting I like some is like saying Daria is the life of the party.Kinky sex,awkward silences,Marvel killing Spider-Man's and Mary Jane's marriage I can handle but say love and I run faster than a slave that nocked up master's daughter.