Intimacy

We'll today is starting off to be one of those days of soul searching.I keep trying to justify my reasons of not wanting to be close with other people.I don't mind fucking but opening up about feelings and shit scares me.I don't date really and the last time I was in a real relationship I was about 12.That one ended badly because she thought I didn't like her when in reality I lost her number on purpose because we were getting to close,we'll as close as 12 years old's can get.I've never had my heart broken and maybe that's the problem.I'm so afraid of being hurt and losing my identity to someone else that I'm becoming cold hearted.I couldn't cry at my aunt's funeral even though we were real close.Because the thought of being open in front of people scares me.The one person I've really had a chance to be honest with I blew it because I didn't trust him.(chicks and dudes rock!)Now that we've met up again thanks to myspace(you gotta love it)I might just be able to say how I feel.That of course depends on if he can be honest and tells me how he feels also.I'm not afraid of making the first move when it comes to sex but admitting I like some is like saying Daria is the life of the party.Kinky sex,awkward silences,Marvel killing Spider-Man's and Mary Jane's marriage I can handle but say love and I run faster than a slave that nocked up master's daughter.

Daria and me

OK,it's Saturday and it's the middle of the day and I have nothing to do.I went to the hospital to see my cousin only to find out she was released on Thursday (No one called and told me).And here I'm telling total strangers my problems while watching old episodes of Daria I downloaded.Am I so anti-social that the thought of hanging out with my friends sends me into a fit? I mean I like my friends(sometimes) and it's true that I tend to abuse them verbally and what not but damn.Are they that horrible that I rather watch reruns of an old cartoon that basically sums up my high school life in a nut shell? No,the problem I have is that I wanna want to do everything I want and not listen to to them talk about bullshit.Hence my dilemma.So in order to solve my problems I've come up with a list of solutions:

1.admit that I'm selfish

2. Pretend to enjoy what my friends want to do

3.order pizza and watch more episodes of Daria and ponder why my slowly killing my social life

I think I'll choose 3 for my dollars.I mean what type of person alienates themselves from the people who' always had their backs? The real question I'm asking is why is Daria always wearing the same outfit?

Ungratefull cousins and their lovers.

What the fuck is so wrong with stopping by to say goodbye to your cousin before you leave to go back to college? My fucking cousin didn't even call me to say goodbye.Not only have I've been there when she decided all of a sudden she was gay (after she dragged me all around to help her find a man to forincate with). I've prettended to give a damn about her love life,didn't smack the bitch when she decided to pimp me out at a gay sex club to some guy from NewYork (We'll save that for a later post).But I've been there when she needed me the most and then come's her.Not only did she sleep with Utopia(my cousin).She knew she had a girl friend and still didn't give a fuck,but the part that makes me mad is that she slowly changed Utopia into everything I hate.I mean I know that's her chick but damn,you see her every day not your cousin.You figure she would want to say goodbye to the one who helped her ass out and took the blame when she fucked up.Long story short I have no cousin named Utopia,I know some people might say I'm whining like a girl but I say "Khannnnnnnnn!"



Thanks for reading my stupid post,this is my first time writing a blog so bare with me.

I look forward to writing about everything from comics to the horrors of realizing your not as smart as people say you are and you've just been winging it your life.
(P.S I didn't do anything with the guy she tried to pimp me to.)